We were walking across the KSU campus one night when something dawned on me. So, I turned to Nancy and said, "I think I love you."
"Well, I know I love you," she evenly replied.
I am sure I held her for a minute, and then I asked, "So, what do we now?" After all this was a rather momentous occasion. The first, "I love you" is never repeatable.
"Let's go to the movies as planned," she patiently replied.
That was my Nancy; she always just took the next step forward. Always steady, never confused.
Six months ago today I took my first steps away from her grave, after the final act of our physical separation: internment. Since then I have walked through this valley of grief. But having turned the six month corner, the landscape is changing. It is not "taking me away from her homegoing". It is taking me toward the rest of my life. It is a puzzling road, full of twists and turns. It is also a bit of a steep climb. Sometimes it seems to turn back toward the dark valley. I have and will stumble before I ascend the heights that appear to lie ahead.
But she who taught me to take life one step at a time would be the first to encourage me to keep my eyes on the road ahead. And so, as I move halfway past this traditional year long journey, I fix my gaze forward. Encourage me to climb!
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3 comments:
Hi Dan. I am so glad to hear that you are feeling that the landscape on this road is changing a bit for you and that you are starting to see glimpses of the life that lies ahead, in which God will no doubt accomplish great things through you. As you said, there will still be twists and turns, the climb will not be easy, and there will likely be dark valleys through which you must traverse. But the beauty of journey is that God is with you, to be sure, and I believe Nancy is walking in spirit right beside you too, rejoicing in your courage and tenacity. One of my dear friends Marie has a son Joe who went to Heaven 10 years ago at the age of 17, and she told me in regard to Jess that "the truth is she is not just in your past and in your future, but in the NOW!" I continue to cling to that thought in the dark valleys and remind myself that as part of the body of Christ and the "Church," I share with Jess the "mystic sweet communion with those whose rest is won." Be assured of my prayers as you continue to fix your gaze forward and travel this road towards the rest of your life. With love, Cindy
As you know, we didn't know Nancy very well (although we knew her a bit through the other Machas whom we've been fortunate enough to know and appreciate), so thanks for telling us more of your story together.
I love hearing Nancy stories. She had a rare way of doing things. Thanks for writing, Dan.
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