The wait is over!

We are still waiting to hear from the oncologist tomorrow. BUT, last night a long wait ended when KSU beat KU in Manhattan for the first time in 24 years. Nancy suggested I let you know this. We know that some of you have never had the great good fortune of living west of KC. Other readers may hold the illusion that ACC basketball is a big deal.

Anyway, ESPN chose to carry Texas-Texas A&M last night, so we huddled by the laptop for the audio feed from the K-State Radio network. Not that that was really all bad; I grew up listening to Dev Nelson bring the exciting world of college sports to life as I sat near a radio. As good as that was, I believed, that the best was yet to be. See, I knew I was headed for K-State, and expected to find an exciting new life there. College life didn't let me down. I remember literally slapping our legendary coach Jack Hartman on the back after we stormed back to knock off the Jayhawks one February night in old Ahern Field House. I met Irish born Jim Killacky who first introduced me to the fascinating tragedy that is Irish society, Bob Linder demonstrated that following Jesus was not intellectual suicide. A winsome Kappa Delta with bottmomless pools for blue eyes won my heart as she showed me how to quietly walk with God.

But the best lay beyond college as Nancy and I have travelled together for 35 years. 3 1/2 decades of joys, sorrows and surprises. Things I could never have imagined back on the farm listening to the magic sounds of Big Eight basketball. We truly have enjoyed the last week or so of calm She has grown stronger after surgery.

Tonight we are waiting for results to come in, fearing the future, but still convinced (even after all these yearst) that the best is yet to be!!!

Appointment Friday

The nurse oncologist just called to tell me that the doctor finally received my test results. Now I have an appointment scheduled this Friday 2pm to meet with my oncologist to determine if I will need chemo. Please pray for wisdom for the doctor and Dan & I particularly if the numbers from the testing fall into a "gray" area.

Throughout this time I have been claiming Isaiah 42:16.
"I will lead the blind by ways
they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I
will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into
light before them;
and make the rough places
smooth.
These things I will do;
I will not forsake them."

Greeting and Getting

This morning I took my monthly turn greeting at New Life Church. A cold morning was warmed by at least 20 people asking me, "How is Nancy?" There is no news to report. We are just waiting for the lab test. But the real concern, the pats on the shoulder, and the kind words reminded us that we don't walk this road alone.

Please pray that news comes soon. And that we can skip the chemo.

The Last Supper

This evening Martha C dropped by our house with a delicious dish of Mediterranean Chicken. Her delivery ended a run of culinary charity that began December 28 and continued every other night through tonight. During the month, we were treated to hearty soups, tasty cornbread, heavenly homemade bread, and scrumptious desserts. My new boss Carolyn and her Lepracunish husband Tim even showed up last Friday with rice, chicken and cucumbers: a revolutionary combination for two kids raised on the plains of Kansas.

Thus, the meals ministry of New Life Church nourished us as Nancy recovered. This good food helped her regain her strength, allowed me to focus on laundry, dishes, cleaning and walking the "Tedster." But there was more. Jesus was using his people to strengthen us as Nancy recovered from a walk through the valley of the shadow. God was using His Family to wrap His arms around us and remind us that HE is going to love us all the way through our journey.

PS....No word yet on chemo. It took a while to get the lab test under way. Now praying for results early NEXT WEEK.

No Word But The Last Word

We went into the weekend with no word about whether Nancy would be doing chemo. January 18 was probably the earliest we would have heard the results of the test Nancy described earlier. So, we are not discouraged.

Meanwhile, we got the Last Word this morning as we read Psalm 150 together. I have often read that song as a pleasant little call to bang drums and strum guitars to remind God we like HIM.

But maybe there is some intentionality there. Think about it. God opens up the great prayer book called Psalms with a reminder in Psalm 1 to find stability from his Word. Then HE takes us through just about every emotion that a person is ever likely to have. Finally, we come in for a landing with several songs calling all the universe to worship. The book climaxes with "Let everything that has breath praise the LORD." Perhaps God is saying: "Look, I know that the road is tough..you will be tempted to despair...you will doubt my goodness. But let the journey begin with my Word, and end before my throne in praise. Don't despair alone, apart from Me. Bring every question, worry and fear to ME. Just never forget that I am God."

The application? This path has to lead us to praise. So, we were left with no word, but the Last Word. Just enough for a quiet weekend.

On the Road Again

Yesterday, we needed to take our Honda in for servicing. Well, actually, we couldn't get the driver's side door to lock and unlock from the outside. For our Bible Belt subscribers, let me note that locking the car is more or less a good idea in Philly. So, this was not an optional visit.

Anyway, we agreed that Nancy would drive the Honda up to Sussman and I would follow behind in the Miata and "collect her"---yeah, it's an Irish expression. This was Nancy's first time behind the wheel since December 26. Another landmark along the return to normal life. As someone noted, serious illness turns the mundane into a cause for celebration.

Of course, some things don't change. I drove by the entrance to Sussman Honda and had to turn around. Musta been thinking about something real important

Might As Well Face It.......

I'm addicted......and if you understand the terms "shell-shocked" or "gun shy" you can understand the nature of my problem. My addiction to fear. My latest binge into addictive behavior began when Nancy was diagnosed with cancer. Now that was something to worry about. How large was the tumor? Had it spread to the glands? What stage was she at? We had a right to be afraid. It was natural to worry, right?

But once I began to worry, fear began to govern my life. After all, there are so many things to worry about besides Nancy's cancer: MY health, our kids, our grandchildren, the economy, Iraq, Pakistan, the falling dollar in Euorpe, the state of WHM, the health of New Life Church. These are all things that occupy my thoughts from time to time. And to paraphrase Des Cartes, "I think, therefore, I worry."

Cancer is an univited guest. We will live with his shadow in our home for a good five years. We have no option there. But compulsive worry is a choice, a default setting that I want to renounce. With HIS help. The "methadone" for fearful people involves taking worries to HIM and laying them at the feet of Jesus. This morning as I pondered the perscription written in Psalm 34:

I sought the Lord and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.

Pray that we take that medicine every time we feel afraid.

Resuming Her Social Life

Nancy and I attended the New Life Elders Holiday Party tonight.

This was her first party since surgery.

And as you can see she was "the belle of the ball"

Always fun to show up at a party with the cutest gal on my arm!!

Oncotype DX

This is the gene test being conducted on my cancer tissue (not on the lobes as previously posted). It was developed for women with early-stage invasive breast cancer who are ER+ (estrogen receptor- positive) and whose lymph nodes do not contain cancer. The test will determine the likelihood of disease recurrence within 10 years of initial diagnosis. My oncologist has said this test will show us if I really need chemotherapy. I will definitely have hormone therapy regardless the outcome of this special test. Hope to hear sometime next week about the results.

Trip to the Oncologist

I have typed and erased this entry a number of times. Now I am going to say it, I think it is crazy that insurance companies have 30days to give you an insurance card when you change insurances! Having worked several years in a doctor's office I know a few of the ins and outs and it's not always pretty.... OK now I feel better. We did get my insurance numbers 2 hours before my oncologist appt. We had prayed for days and God answered in time for me to get my referral etc. When will I learn??

You know you're old when your cancer doctor looks about 20. We had a good appt. We are waiting for a genetic test on my lobes to determine the course of treatment. One thing we know is I will be taking a hormonal pill for 5 years. In 10 days the results will help make the decision about chemo.

I just wanted to say that I have a wonderful husband. He has always been my best friend. We have had some very sobering times. We have also had some crazy times of laughter about the nuttiness and the mundane. The dog and the stuffed animals who "talk" add to the comic relief.

Tree Down!

Yesterday Nancy and I packed away the "Holiday" decorations and I curbed the tree along Easton Road for the Township to collect. By and large, I hate taking down Christmas decorations. Taking down the tree means that there are no more prezzies to open, the last kolache has been baked and it's time, it really is time to put away the Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole and Buddy Greene Christmas CD's for 11 months. Yes sir, packing up the Nativity Scene means that there is nothing left to squeeze out of this season, and we gotta face January. Nothing left to do but wait 6 more weeks for Spring Training to start.

But this year, boxing the balls, and lights and angels became an act of celebration. Why? Return to the first four words...."Yesterday,Nancy and I". We had put up that tree on a sweet and scary Saturday night last month, not knowing if she would be strong enough to help take it down any time soon. So, it was great fun to undertake a simple household task together. Each day she gets a bit stronger.

Today, as she naps I write these words with renewed thanksgiving for 32 years of picking out trees, stringing on lights, and then taking them down. I reflect on the gift of a wonderful, courageous and faithful life partner with whom to face the joys and sorrows of this journey.

One more thought about the past season. As the path continues, I have learned to sing the old carol, O Come O Come Emmanuel as the longing of my own soul......Come King Jesus and usher in the season that will never end. Take us to the house where the decorations never come down!!

Good News Confirmed!

As I mentioned last night the extra 48 hour wait for pathology report proved to be one of the more difficult legs of our journey so far. Waiting is hard, especially when you are already worn out. Today that delay ended with our appointment with the surgeon.



Dr. Newman removed the drain from Nancy after confirming that we had caught Nancy's cancer at an early stage. I took the following notes: "margins clear, nodes negative, stage 1" and "Best news we could have hoped for given what we knew going in."



The news has brought a flood of emotion. We know that there is much work yet to do, including a visit to the oncologist January 8. Treatment decisions still await us. And I want to share some of the internal battles of the last week at a later time.



But for now, let me echo our KJ's text response to our news:
"Yay! Praise the Lord!"

Unexpected Delays

We had hoped to have a full pathology a day ago. Instead we have had to wait. The doctor's office didn't call yesterday. So, after lunch we called and we were told the results are back but the doctor was in surgery all day. We would get the report tomorrow during our appointment. This has been hard to take. We have been trying hard to avoid assigning meaning to this wait.

Meanwhile, Nancy has been getting much needed additional rest. She is sleeping more over the last two days. Her wound has continued to heal and we anticipate Dr. Newman removing the drains tomorrow.

Meanwhile, we have had some hiccups in an insurance switch at work. We have coverage, but we have yet to get a group name. This has been slowing us down a bit as we try to get approval for additional tests, a needed doctor's visit for Dan, etc.

• Pray for the insurance switch to finalize before the weekend.
• Pray for good news tomorrow.
• So, pray for us to rest in HIM.

Back to an Empty Nest

Yesterday Leah and Jonah headed home. They played important roles in getting us thru the past week. Leah kept some of the wheels turning for us. Jonah gave us many smiles. Still, I was thankful to have them back home for New Year's Eve.

Today KJ headed back to the Big Apple. She had been with us for over a week, and her sweet encouragement brought us a lot of joy. And she made us great curried chicken salad yesterday. Tomorrow she begins an Italian course at FIT. Apparently, you HAVE to know Italian to get a degree in fashion design.

So, it feels a bit more normal here again. But pretty quiet. We are trying to catch our breath,

Meanwhile, we hope to get a fuller pathology report tomorrow. Pray for the call to come tomorrow morning....and pray for us to rest in HIM as we await this news.