Scan Complete

Well, we made it through this day with limited discomfort. Nancy was able to bring the barium home and drink it here, rather than hang around the waiting room for 2 hours sipping chalk. She came home and fixed us some eggs for brunch. This was the first meal she had cooked for us in weeks. That's the funny thing, the outward signs encourage us, but we have no way of knowing what the high tech images have revealed.

So, now we wait to see Dr. Nordlinger day after tomorrow, and as Wendy mentioned in her comment on yesterday's post, we ask ourselves the question, "Do I trust God?" These are the days when faith is not the stuff of academic discourse, but the path of survival. Tonight I found myself thinking about the first question in the Heidelberg Catechism:

What is your only comfort in life and death?

That I am not my own,but belong with body and soul, both in life and in death, to my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with His precious blood, and has set me free from all the power of the devil. He also preserves me in such a way that without the will of my heavenly Father not a hair can fall from my head; indeed, all things must work together for my salvation.Therefore, by His Holy Spirit He also assures me of eternal life and makes me heartily willing and ready from now on to live for Him.

We are thankful for our partners in faith who wait with us to see what direction HE will take us as he works all things out for our salvation.

CT Scan tomorrow

The weekend is winding up, the Demars family has headed back to Fulton, our friends Gregg and Lynn just left after praying with us and now we are bracing ourselves for tomorrow's test. We are heading into an important intersection as this test should tell us how effective the latest round of chemo has been.

We need lots of prayer.

1. Pray for Nancy to be able to drink the yucky barium fluid before the scan.
2. Pray for good results.
3. And pray for our hearts to trust the Great Healer to work his will for his glory.

Finally, this time is so full of contradictions for me. How can I be so filled with fear and yet so sure that God is in this journey with us? How can I be so disappointed that our empty nest phase has known this disruption, but know such contentment in folding laundry? How can I feel so alone as we face this unwelcome invasion of cancer, and yet feel so surrounded by the loving support of HIS people? I don't understand how to explain the mystery of walking in the land of broken dreams toward the City of Fulfilled Promises....and heading to this week I once again echo the final prayer found in Scripture...."Come Quickly Lord Jesus!"

The Fam

Finally today, Nancy "perked up" after the slump that followed Monday's chemo. She is much more alert and active. She spent a good bit of the morning and afternoon visiting with the kids and grandkids and surfing the Internet for a present for one of the kids. Can't tell you who; don't want to ruin the surprise.

Today, I was struck by how truly remarkable it is to see the way our kids have rallied around us over the past month. Leah has interrupted her new life in Fulton to spend time here in Glenside. When she is around she helps serve as a gatekeeper, laundry lady and general oldest child while taking care of her small kids. KJ has moved into the attic to help out with her unique good humor as "Auntie Shar-Shar," and meal coordinator even as she prepares to spend time in Romania next month. Josh stops by nearly every day to check in on stuff like air conditioner installation and yard work as he continues at Starbucks and building an inner city youth ministry. Our non-biological kids pitch in as Anne brings Lucia by for frequent visits, and stages great sistering excursions to IKEA with KJ and Leah and Chris helps with house projects after he makes the five hour drive between here and Fulton nearly every week. They seem to rotate taking me aside, and asking, "Dad, how are you doing?" and pointing me to Jesus through their compassion.

I have no idea what they are living through as they watch Nancy, the family's "Steel Magnolia," experience the force of this Unwelcome Visitor called cancer. But I am thankful that they so selflessly honor their mother---and me. What I am saying is, we have never been more family than right now. And as I announce this truth, my heart soars. I am encountering a miracle. At a time we could drift apart, go into our corners and suffer alone, we are choosing to walk this difficult path together. And as Josh's recent sermon on mercy reminded me, whenever mercy is shown, God is at work. He is loving Nancy through us and that is truly a sign of the glorious, eternal healing happening in and through their mom, my wife, his daughter. (By the way, you can hear that sermon by going to bridgephilly.org)

Robot Jonah appears in a custome designed by Auntie Shar-Shar

post chemo fevers and post vacaction fotos

The fever has been a little high tonite. Peaked to 101 before we began to get it down with Advil, extra fluids ice and turning the bedroom air conditioner up. However, it's important to keep this thing down over the next 24 hours if we are to avoid a trip up to the hospital. Pray that things settle down for us.

Meanwhile, we wanted to share some shots from our time away last week's time at the shore.

Relaxing on the deck was nice , but the pedal surrey rides with our grand kids have become a highlight of our Avalon vacations.

mixed signals

In many ways, Nancy has rallied over the past few weeks. She is able to draw deep breaths more easily. In fact, overall her pain has diminished. She has become more active, able to get up and down stairs and walk around the house.

However, she continues to run low grade fevers each night. The fevers seem most likely caused by cancerous invasion of her liver. So, her oncologist is a bit puzzled by these mixed signals. All this underscores the importance of the CT scan on June 30, challenges us to avoid speculating and forces us to rest in the knowledge that HE knows our condition at all times, and HE cares for us with perfect wisdom.

Finally, yesterday's chemo session was a bit rough. Problems with the port, and some nausea. Pray for a calm stomach and good rest today.

time out, time in

Nancy and I were blessed by a week away at the Jersey shore. The house worked perfectly. The weather was great. We enjoyed visits from Josh, Anne, Lucia and KJ, brief times outside, meals on the deck and quiet evenings watching the Phillies or DVD's of the recent HBO miniseries on John and Abigail Adams.

Nancy showed a lot of courage in making this trip and it was so gratifiying to see that the change of scenery nourished her soul and spirit. As we give thanks for the time away we prepare for tomorrow's chemo session. Ask HIM to give us strength and healing. And to keep us thankful for the gifts he gave us during the weeklong timeout.

a stable place

After all the turmoil of the last month, we have stabilized for now. Nancy came out of the second round of chemo. and seems past the worst side effects. Our two blood test have yielded encouraging results to date. Meanwhile, nausea has receded with the drugs we added a few days ago. Pain is controlled, but constant A nagging fever pops up each evening. Both these symptoms remind us that the battle rages on. If not for these pests, we might be able to pretend that we have found something close to normalcy again.

We find this chapter enriched by times with our kids and grandkids. Tomorrow we leave for the Jersey Shore. KJ, Anne, Josh and Lucia will join us there for part of the week. Chris, Leah and the kids will be back in Glenside June 21. We don't know what the end of the month will bring but right now we welcome this lull and embrace the gift of spending time together.

midweek roundup

Today will be busy: a follow up visit to the surgeon who inserted Nancy's chemo port, and a home nursing visit. Meanwhile, we are trying to get the morning nausea under control, and Nancy's fever spiked a bit. (Not sure if this is a result of chemo, or liver complications.) KJ remains a source of help and fun as we go through this transition time.

Being sick is a full-time job. Pray for Nancy to endure well.

Chemo: Round 2, Day 2

Just back from the Rosenfeld Cancer Center. Nancy is comfortable after the afternoon's work. She, KJ and I are settling in to watch "Gosford Park." (No Phillies game tonight, so it is okay to view a Netflix offering.)

The big news is that her liver enzyme readings continue to show improvement. We will fire another round of this cocktail at the cancer in two weeks...that's June 23, and then do a CT Scan on June 30. That will give us the best reading on what is happening in her liver. So, pray for us as we head to that day. And pray for good rest, no rough side effects from today's treatment, and an end to this nasty morning nausea.

weekend update

We sent Leah, Chris and the kids home today. It was great to have Leah here for the last two weeks as we were getting a handle on this new chapter. We are generally finding out how to do family now. God's grace is richly evident to us each day, even as we are sometimes reminded that we remain sinners desperate for his grace even as we try to love each other along this path. We all look for ways to help Nancy in her weakness. And God is giving her grace to enjoy these gestures.

Jonah takes his turn escorting "Amma" to the powder room.

Nancy had a strong day yesterday, but this morning was a bit rough with some persistent nausea and vomiting. Later in the day, the meds kicked in, though.

Finally, tomorrow is chemo day. Pray for HIS grace to be evident throughout the day, and for the drugs to turn back the cancer cells.

A full week

Would it make sense to hear this has been one of the richest weeks of our lives? Our living room has been the scene of sweet family moments, riotous laughter, story telling, great food and even fine adult beverages. Nancy has been in the center of all this, laughing, teasing and generally drinking it all in.

Early this week our family visits included a time with Nancy, her sister Jane and brother Rick. It was good to see them reconnecting, speaking from the heart and entering into the current situation. Rick, Jane, Andrea and Jasmine left us Wednesday

Then Thursday Hunter and Julie Dockery arrived on our doorstep. Yes, our old Ireland team leaders had jumped in the car and driven up from North Carolina to hang out with us. That night Drew and Ann Angus and Caleb joined them and our family for a wonderful Ireland team reunion. We shared some of our favorite tales about that special time twenty years ago when we labored together. Once more we remembered times at places like the Rathmines Fellowship Centre, and Grafton Street and people like Kathy, Ger and Johnny. It is so good to have written those stories together. And as Hunter said, the reunions to come will be even more glorious because we will know the whole story.

What good words; we are writing a new chapter now. It often feels scary and uncertain---so out of our control. But there are moments of great love, profound joy and desperate faith. This story is so overpowering, but it is a story of great hope, because we know the Author is writing for our good----and HIS glory.

encouraging test results

The day began as Bob and Ann left for Kansas. The were hugely helpful in getting this new crisis under control.

Then we saw Dr. Nordlinger. It was a bit of an effort to make the trip for Nancy as she is still weak. However we got some good news. Nancy's blood work showed some improvement in the liver enzymes. That means we will fire another round of the same chemo drug to bring the raging fire of this cancer under control.

We are not overestimatng the news. The situation is still tough. But we are encouraged that God might yet lengthen Nancy's days. Keep praying.

A&O Monday

I was able to spend the day with our eleven missionary candidates today, as we begin our A&O week. This quarterly event is a highpoint of my work year. We have a great group on hand, and I gave my usual "birth of WHM talk" and helped to run some team building exercises. The Sending Center team are picking up the slack on most of my other A&O duties. I am thankful for their wonderful partnership.

Meanwhile, Nancy got some good time with her brother Rick. She is surely resting better at home. Tomorrow we go in to see her oncologist. Those visits are faith challenges these days. Pray for us to see the Sovereign Hand of God on the events unfolding around us.

Quality Family Time

Yesterday was a good time. We enjoyed lots of quality time. Highlights included:

1. Story time with Jonah
2. The girls' shopping trip to get Nancy some comfortable new lounge wear
3. A phone conference between Dan and Josh to discuss the sermon he is preaching at Bridge this morning
4. Birthday cake with Uncle Rick Freeman----we won't disclose which birthday it was
5. Family stories about dating and wedding ceremonies 'til Nancy was tuckered out.
6. And a great night's sleep for Nancy. She is regaining some core strength which is good to see.

This morning I went to New Life's early service. The chorus of one song is echoing through my soul:

My Savior lives

My Savior loves

My Savior's always there for me.

These are the days that you find out whether these are just cute words but living realities.So far we have known His life, His love, and His presence. Pray that we experience those realities each moment of the journey.