Surrounded by HIS Love

It is hard to describe what our journey has been like so far. Sometimes we just feel numb. Sometimes I have wondered if there is some profound lesson to be learned here, and I am just not getting it. Okay, I confess it. I have yet to reach a higher spiritual plain through this journey. More often, we have retreated into a "fetal position" as the storm raged. I found myself feeling a little guilty over that posture.

But at our recent dinner with the Clark's, Karen encouraged us to be okay with such a response. She reminded me that HE sees us as we are, in all our frailty. At such times HE is more than willing to carry us along.

So maybe suffering is not a like a gymnasium for achieving more spiritual muscle. Maybe suffering is a rapids we ride out as HIS love carries us through the turbulent waters. Anyway, I recently claimed Psalm 32:7

You are my hiding place;

you will protect me from trouble

and surround me with songs of deliverance.

What should you do when you are surrounded? Fight it out? No, surrender. Encircled by HIS love, I submit to HIS care...Some day... Soon.... Deliverance will come.

All Sufficient

Looking in the mirror shows me my broken body. Before my chemo, I bought a wig and a couple of hats to wear. Yesterday I purchased a well fitting prosthesis that helps me feel and look more normal. Did these outward things change this broken vessel? From the outside they have changed my appearance. On the inside, in my heart, I struggle. This path has not been an easy one for me. I rejoice that my chemo treatments are finished. I rejoice that I am physically feeling better everyday. So what do I have to complain about? Nothing really. I do know that I daily have a choice to make. Do I believe the lies of satan that God has failed me. Or do I rejoice in the all sufficient grace of God. As for His failing me, I would never dream of it. I hate the thought. My heavenly Father who has been sufficient until now, should be trusted forever!

Rest Stop

Last Wednesday God gave us a special time. We ran into our friends Roger and Karen. Remarkably Roger was in a good place in the middle of his chemo, and Nancy felt strong the day after Round 4. So, we decided to go for it. A pleasant dinner at the Glenside Pub followed. And a special connection was reaffirmed with two dear friends who are more familiar with the Unwelcome Visitor than are we.

Nancy and I have several times referred to that evening as "a real gift." To be with friends who really care...and really understand made the time very refreshing. A special "rest stop" along a challenging road. One that we share together.

He's positive---I'm negative

Today my doctor told me that I do NOT have cancer. This is a huge relief for us!
I am thankful that Nancy doesn't have to transition from cancer patient to wife of a cancer patient the week of her last chemo.

I will face a procedure at the end of the month to deal with the issues that had suggested cancer. But for now, we are thankful that the storm winds are not blowing strong.

Grandchildren

All four grandchildren were here this past weekend. Number 5 is due the end of August for Josh and Anne! This was a fun time to have them all here.

Top photo Aiden will be 4 in July, Jonah will be 4 in October (Leah and Chris) Lucia is 18 months old (Josh and Anne) Bottom photo is Katharine 5 weeks old (Leah and Chris)

On the eve of spring

It feels like spring is stalling, delaying her full appearance on the Philadelphia stage. Somehow that feels appropriate this year. We have spent a long winter in the hospital, with doctors, at home. Today is the final phase of the winter's chemo. In two hours Nancy and I head for our fourth and final treatment of this phase. And then we will wait for spring!

She is a true steel magnolia. By this I mean that Nancy has this grace to endure hardship with steadiness, simple resolution and (mostly) smiles. What a marvel to watch her tell funny stories to her oncologist with the needle in her arm, having just endured five failed attempts to get a vein.

What is the source of such long suffering? I wish I could bottle it, or even describe it accurately. I think she just has faith, a simple conviction that "He is strong, and He is good." Pray for spring to come quickly here.

Leaning in to another Round

Okay, Thursday's biopsy will go down as one of Dan's least favorite medical procedures ever. 'Nuff said....except that results are still pending.

Chris, Leah, Aidan, and Jonah brought Katharine done for her first visit to PA. We even managed to have the whole family under one roof for a brief time, with Josh, Anne and Lucia and Karen joining them here at the house on Friday.
And now we start another packed week: A WHM Board Meeting starting today, chemo Tuesday, and Dan's follow up visit Thursday.

The overwhelming sense I have right now is "spentness." What a wonderful opportunity for such weakness to lead us to HIS strength....Help us remember this!

another biopsy

Tonight we are prepping and praying our way toward another biopsy.
This time Dan has something which routine testing unearthed. My doctor gave me 20% chances of cancer, and wants to "dig deeper." My test is at 1pm.

I don't have too many profound thoughts just now. However, a few days ago we asked our Father to cause His hand to rest a bit more gently upon our heads. Will you join us in that petition?

April Stroll

After a dreary day, the sun burst through. Suddenly we were in for a beautiful evening. Nancy seemed to be feeling well, so I suggested we walk around the block. Once the dog was on her leash, we headed out the door.

The air was warm and fresh. We were in no hurry to get back inside. It may have the slowest journey we have ever taken. But one of the most enjoyable. It has taken cancer to reveal the wonder of a casual walk on a spring evening.