Boys Night Out

Last night Josh and I went to see the Phillies play Washington. This was our first exclusive father/son trip to the ballpark in a couple of seasons. We were hoping to see Chase and the boys win their sixth straight against a hapless Nationals Nine. But after a 1st inning home run by Shane Victorino our bats fell silent. The home team lost 4-1. So, we experienced a disappointing outcome.


On the other hand, a baseball game is a wonderful platform to spend time with someone you love. Josh and I spent time discussing many topics including:

1. Grant request proposals
2. My love for preaching
3. Blogging
4. Spending time helping Roger arrive Home
5. Josh's sisters
6. My future
7. Buying a house while interests rates are low and government incentives are in place
8. My financial planner's confidence I can retire sometime even after the meltdown.
9. Chris Coste's hitting slump
10. Movies like "You've Got Mail" and "The Dark Knight."

Disappointing night? Not hardly. I was with my son who has become quite a man. No--the outcome was more than I could ever expected and far more than I deserve---but for HIS unfailing love.

A Friend Crosses the Finish Line

I will never forget yesterday. After a long rewarding weekend in Ohio, I headed into the office . Shortly after I got there, my friend Marc called to let me know that Roger was headed home. After checking with my boss, I jumped on the train downtown to be with him at the UPenn Hospice on Lombard Street. For the next 10 hours I hung out in his room as we walked my dear brother Roger most of the last mile in his six year fight with the Unwanted Visitor that ended Nancy's life last year.

It was agonizing. Once more I heard the labored, crackling noises that a person utters in their last hours of breathing. I remembered our nine month battle with cancer. I remembered the many miles we have walked with Roger and Karen since they welcomed us home from Ireland in 1992. I ached for the hours of grieving Karen was to face. And once more my soul raged against the insult of death.

It was glorious. I saw the fruit of this humble, loving man as friends, relatives and even a former student from Africa came to say farewell. The day was thus filled with stories, songs, scriptures and sobs. Roger was dying surrounded by those he had loved and served.

Once more I was able to use my loud voice for HIM, HE kept it steady so I could fill that room with His Promises from time to time. God led me to share many scriptures during that watch, including passages from Psalm 48 and 142 that had been impressed upon me during the passing of others whom I deeply loved.

Such a departure affirms the truth of the gospel. It also contrasted vividly with the other death occurring on the ward yesterday. We were walking Roger toward the Light, the other family was shrouded in dark gloom.

I had hoped to be with my brother when he left this earth. But it was not The Plan. Instead, I left the hospice at 9:30. Karen wanted quiet time with her best friend by then. That was only fitting. So, I left her there with Roger and three of the kids. Yet, I am thankful that he let me help Roger take the final steps. You see, when Jesus came for Roger just a couple of hours later, a friend and I were praying for the race to end. Again, that was fitting, we can walk one another to the Door, but in the end HE opens it for the fortunate one who is taken Home.

Well done, good and faithful servant. You ran a good race. As KJ said, "he is with my mommy." --and many others who loved him. Most importantly Roger sees the face of the One who loved him best of all. Roger, thanks for helping blaze the trail for us to follow in His good time.

Ohio Adventure

I spent the weekend at Harvest Church in Medina, Ohio just outside of Cleveland. I was there to encourage my brothers and sisters to press on in pursuit of the Grand Cause. Specifically they asked me to preach and teach to rally support for their partnership in the London Evangelism and Prayer Week. (LEAP). It was a truly a beautiful weekend with the temp past 80 and the trees blossoming on the town square.

But the beauty of the weekend came through spending time reminding HIS people that HE is writing a Grand Story on the pages of history. Today I thought of my old hero Barnabas who walked through the pages of Acts encouraging folks to "remain true to the Lord with all their hearts" like he did the Antioch Church in Acts 11:22-36. Truly, it is a joy to fill that role, to catch glimpses of new growth because Aslan is on the move!

By HIS grace unleashed by special prayer partnerships, I think HE showed up each of the four times I spoke. That will keep me stoked for the office meetings still to come this week.

Reaching the Roof

Three years ago I was wondering who would help Leah and Jonah climb out of the Valley of Abandonment. Then, God brought Chris into their life. Now they climb together. This photo shows the heights they are ascending.




As I continue my climb HE never lets me walk alone. Like my daughter, most of healing happens in community. So, much of this season is about the finding the tempo to walk in step along different paths and with new people. It takes unceasing communication and unending patience for all who share the journey.

work, walk, wait

Climbing, Climbing, Climbing.

That is the picture of this spring. Oh, there have been some wonderful views along the way. Rock formations, stair steps, sunsets, passed balls, paintings and partnerships dot the landscape. Still I have this sense of not being at a settled place. So, I continue the laundry, the early shopping, the new ways of relating that mark this season. I can't slip back, so the ascent continues. The "wins" come frequently these days. Some are as simple as laundering sweaters for the first time, others are too special to publish here. I catch glimpses of new and exciting vistas and want to press on to those new callings. But even these new adventures require a kind of retooling yet to be finished.


Of course, there is more than one misstep as I journey ahead. I absorb the advice, the questions, even the corrections of others along the trail. I am learning that rebuilding a life includes a strange combination of working very hard, and waiting as others process the direction of my climb. Pray that I can keep all this in balance.

What's gonna work? TEAMWORK!!

I have learned that you don't climb out of the valley alone. The sweetest moments of the climb from the valley of despair towward the cliffs and plains of hope have included others. As I told someone last night, I couldn't "heal alone."But therein lies the rub. It takes teamwork. Those who have come into the valley to find me must also confront the darkness and bear the pain on my behalf.

Also, I am not the only one who was thrust onto this path. As I mentioned earlier, the kids and grand kids are fellow pilgrims. And I must make sure that no child is left behind, even though we climb at different speeds and use different handholds in inching forward. My own efforts can't leave others alone in the valley. We must be as one striving for the sake of the gospel.

How do we stride in one step with all our different pains, hopes, needs and desires? Beans, I don't know. As we pray, the Father must show us the way.....join us in that petition!

Deepest Fears Fondest Hopes Link

Anyone who wants to hear yesterday's testimony can go to:
http://www.newlifeglenside.com/index.php?/resources/audio/series/acts/whats-new
The talk is actually posted as the beginning of Terrry Traylor's sermon. If you "begin listening to his sermon on Acts," you will hear my talk.

Make sense?

A Meaningful Sunset

This morning I was given the opportunity to address New Life Church about what walking Nancy Home taught me. Sustained by the prayers of many I was able to share how God sometimes weaves together our darkest fears with our strongest hopes so that we might experience HIS deepest love. It was a special time in which Nancy was remembered and HE was honored.

An audio link of the talk will be posted later. For now, I am thankful for all who walk this road with me and some who cheer me on from the upper deck.

Sunset, Sunrise

Yesterday evening I watched a spectacular sunset from Chiques Rock. The sun brilliantly and gradually faded away. Slowly a wonderful evening ensued!

Tomorrow morning will bring a different sort of sunset. At New Life Church I will share what God has been doing on this journey for the past year and a half. This will be the last Sunday Nancy's paintings will hang at the "Cloakroom Gallery." So, I am coming close to ending another part of the mourning phase of this journey.

Sunsets mark transition. Just so, tomorrow's sunset will lead into another part of the journey. I remain convinced that since HE travels this road with me, the best is yet to be.

It takes a family

Easter Egg Hunt, 2009


I remain so thankful for the kids who populated our journey. Leah remains a loving mom, and someone who is a mirror image of her dad. Josh's heart for hurting people propels him into Fairhill each day. KJ reflects the cooky, creative side of life.


They added five, soon to be six grandchildren to this walk. Yes, six Leah is pregnant!

Yet we are waiting to find out how to walk this road without Nancy. We still wonder what it is to do family without her. We grieve in different ways, at different paces. Yet we grieve together.



Pray for us. It takes time to rebuild family life without a mom.

Trusting the Author of Spring

I haven't trusted this April weather. It has often felt dark and gloomy. Several times, I have wanted to be back in Dublin as I looked out my office window, longing to experience her melancholy beauty on a "soft day." Then, this morning I (again) awoke to frost on the car windshield. This weekend, though, should be "put the top down on the Miata and cruise weather." What's up with that?

I have not trusted this spring for other reasons. Last year at this time Nancy had just finished her chemo and we looked forward to a summer of returning strength. Her subsequent decline seemed to mock the fresh breezes we felt last spring.

Now I find myself near a season of spring storms for some dear friends of mine, trying to remain calm, trying to remember that God is good. C. S. Lewis suggested that you should go to the highest hill and lean into the breeze on a really windy day. Good advice. I don't plan to walk away from the storms others are facing. I won't try to be safe...as if playing it safe was ever an option for those who follow the Lion. I will choose to believe that the One who rides on chariots of fire also masters the storms, and I will choose to keep "singing in the rain."

I will also remember:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases

His mercies never come to an end

They are new every morning

Great is thy faithfulness

Birthday+1

Josh came quickly the night he was born. I barely made it back into the delivery room before Nancy began pushing in earnest. Only a few minutes later a robust baby boy named Joshua Daniel came into the world.



Josh grew up with a kind heart and sensitive spirit. He had his time in the wilderness as he entered adolescence. But those years of wrestling produced a man of faith, of love, and of vision.



He did years of inner city missions trips, eleven months in the heart of Chicago, married the love of his life Anne, and finished his Urban Studies degree from University of Pennsylvania. They began The Ark to create a community of love and safety for the kids of North Philadelphia. http://thearkofphilly.blogspot.com/



Yesterday, on his 27th birthday, Josh came to the WHM Sending Center to share his vision, his dreams and his struggles. It was a proud moment for a father who had prayed that Josh would take the gospel to hard places some day, and for his mother who now rests at Home, having showed him unconditional love for so many years.

Hold on to Your Brother

Yesterday I was walking Jonah and Aidan to church. As we approached the intersection of Keswick and Easton, Jonah took Aidan's hand and announced, "I need to look out for him, because he's my brother."

That exchange may have been the highlight of the Demars' family's visit. I gave thanks for the way God is blending them together. I am thankful Jonah is growing up with strong male companionship.

And I also gave thanks for all the guys who are walking me through this intersection. I am glad that I don't have to navigate this hard time alone. Of course, they are looking after me. After all, we're brothers.

Thanks for the reminder Jonah!

Resurrection Tapestry

I spent part of the day wondering about this guy. A youth pastor at a large Presbyterian church back in Kansas City. In 1971 he issued an invitation to follow Jesus to those attending an Easter Sunrise Service. Among those listening was a quiet young gal about to graduate high school. She had been worried about cancer, not sure what would happen to her if she caught it...and died. Anyway, something the guy said was compelling, and Nancy Leah Freeman gave her life to Christ that morning.

She went off to college eventually helping this worried, sensitive farm boy put the pieces together. And they embarked on a life of great adventure. Adventures that took them to the classrooms in Philadelphia, and the streets of New York, Dublin and London telling anybody who would listen that HE had risen. Together they raised three unique children who honored them and who follow Jesus through their own pilgrimages to this day. Their adventure ended last August, when after hearing her husband say the words, "It's okay, sweetie," Nancy fell into the arms of the Savior she loved, the One she embraced after hearing the words of that young pastor back in Johnson County, Kansas.

I don't know what else that guy stirred up in his ministry, but I do know that the fruit of his impact on Nancy helped birth churches in Dublin, Prague, and Vienna, and continues to encourage others to follow Him as the man she discipled for 34 years retells the story she lived out so well.

I can't wait to meet this guy someday. I have a lot to thank him for.

A Day to Hold Your Breath

Saturday before Easter. This is the oddest day in the year to me. The work of redemption has been accomplished. The cry, "It is finished, " has filled the air. But the act of resurrection lies in the future. So, the cosmos holds its breath. We are halfway between despair and renewal. Certainly Jesus' disciples must have been wallowing in disappointment on this day. A lot of hopes had been dashed. Who would have thought those shattered dreams were to be replaced by the dawning of a new reality?

There is a little of that "Easter Saturday" in my soul this week. A year ago at this time I didn't expect to be walking this road without Nancy at my side. I had a lot hopes about our future. Those dreams were to be dashed just a few weeks later. This spring new hopes and dreams are being hatched. But they await an incubation period before they come to life.

On the other hand, those who long for His return live each day with some sense of Easter Saturday. The power of sin has been broken but we are still not experiencing the full restoration of what HE intends. So, we wait as His followers have often waited. Some of our hopes have faded, but a surprising deliverance is about to dawn.

It's Done

"It is finished!" When can you ever say that? There is always more to do; more coming at you than what you are able to get done. I noticed that the past year more than ever. The dishes keep getting dirty, I always need something from O'Neil's Grocery Market. The house always needs tidying up, always something should head for the laundry room, and I have already written about cooking. After all, you never stop eating.

Meanwhile, there is work. One email generates another. A phone call begets a returned message. There is always another meeting to attend. One more event cries out for planning. A teammate looks in for direction.

Then there are people everywhere. Friends. You gotta keep track of friends. And family. You gotta love on your family.

It's never over is it? Except once. When it counted. Jesus hung on the Cross 'til he could cry out in agony and victory: "It is finished." He had done it. God and I could be friends, because his death broke the power of canceled sin and set this prisoner free.

So, it is okay to rest. On HIM. ALONE.

And that's the name of that tune.

He Chose Me

As a church kid, it's pretty hard to pinpoint the exact moment I started following Jesus for real. But I do remember one special night in particular. Maundy Thursday 1974. A communion service.

The pastor was reciting Scripture as he handed out the elements. Suddenly, one of Jesus's statement rang out, "Don't think you chose me, for I chose you to go and bear fruit." And it came together: I had been trying to figure out what I would choose to do with my life, when HIS words flipped it all around. It wasn't about what I wanted for myself, but what HE wanted for HIS glory. After that, I never really looked back. I followed the path HE laid out.

Tonight, I helped our pastors and elders distribute the elements to the flock at New Life. There were moments of great joy and deep sorrow as I recalled some of the rich and rocky stretches of the road. But there are no regrets for listening to HIS voice that night. None.

And there was a great sense of anticipation. As I said yesterday, I like to believe that there are a few innings left to play. Innings of HIS choosing.

Oh, I forgot something. There was a beautiful co-ed sitting next to me when HE spoke. We were on the same team for quite a few innings until "her number was retired" last August. She is in now in The Hall of Fame.

A Day at the Ballpark

I can never NOT remember baseball. The Pirates broke my heart in 1960 when they beat the Yankees in 7 games. A baseball game could get me out of farm work as I grew up. Later my dad and I reconnected by following the KC Royals as I came of age in my 20's. Now Josh and I are bonded by the same love. And -like many American men and some American women--I secretly suspect I could manage a Big League team if given a chance.

Last Christmas the kids gave me a partial season ticket plan to the Phillies this season. How cool was that? Today I attended my first game. Watching the team get their World Series rings was nice. But what made this day really special was the Phils' 8 run comeback in the bottom of the 7th inning. It suggested that sometimes the late innings can be pretty exciting. That's a hopeful thought for a guy in his 50's still climbing his way out of the valley.

Welcome to the Family

A few days ago Ginny one of my Mobilization teammates described the missionary community as a slice of heaven. She was referring to the sense of community, of family that the Grand Cause instills.

We did family today. We did family as our far flung strategic planning team sat connected to a "virtual whiteboard" and tried to discern where God is taking WHM. We did family at our staff prayer meeting today as we listened to Dorothy tell us about how her dog led her to a deep friendship with a Czech woman who needs to find God. We did family as we celebrated Liz's impending marriage to Ted with food, stories and laughter. We did family today when a pastor and I agreed to help a young woman pursue her dream of spending the summer doing ministry in Vienna.

We did family today because the Father is bringing His kids together from every nation under heaven. We are just helping file the adoption papers.

Tripset

We always called vacations "trips" when I was a boy. And they were. Mom and Dad would stuff us into the Chevy and we'd head out. Usually west, usually steering well clear of any towns of over 2000 people. We would drive around for a few days, looking for a motel every night. (Reservations? Not for this family. Ever.) I also still remember how we'd sit out in the car while dad was negotiating with the manager to get the price down. As a kid, the whole process mortified me. And there was the night where we drove around Denver for 6 hours before finding a place to spend the night.

Those memories pushed me to vacation differently. We always knew where we were spending the night before leaving home. In fact, my favorite vacation plan has been to fly or drive to a set location and settle in for a week or so. Searching for a place to sleep while vacationing was just not my idea of fun.

Nothing wrong with that, but I finally got it a few years ago. For Dad, the journey was part of the deal. He enjoyed the adventure of looking for the perfect (actually, cheapest) resting place. For him, the destination was just part of the deal, not the whole deal.

I am trying to apply that lesson to life now that Nancy is Home. I am on a new adventure here. Lots of "settled issues" are now once more "unsettled". I doubt if I will live in this house for the rest of my life, for example. Trying to settle these and other open questions in a few short months just might not be possible.

To survive this adventure, I need to remember what those long trips in the family Chevy should have taught me: the journey is part of the deal. And "Dad" is going to determine where I sleep at the end of the day. I should just trust Him and enjoy the ride. After all, His oldest Son has done the work to get us Home.

Tasting a Slice of Joy

I have to confess the last few years have left me distrusting joy, often enduring rather than exalting. I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out again. I can catch myself hunkering down in an emotional bunker Sure, there is no perfect joy this side of heaven. But you will never climb out of the valley if you're just waiting for the roof to cave in.

There are great slices of joy to be savored as we walk this road. Take yesterday: I enjoyed finding a long missing sock (hey that's a big deal in the land of laundry), staring at a Van Gogh painting for several minutes, a windblown walk near the river, a wonderful meal with friends and a delicious slice of apple pie. Each of these simple pleasures reminds me that I will find many "appetizers of joy" to embrace as I continue to climb.

Deuteronomy Delivers Depth

Reading all the way through The Book in a year presents some challenges. Like getting through the less exciting parts. But it's all part of The Statement He made to show us the Way. So, if you're going through the whole Story you slog through some pretty challenging stuff. Like Deuteronomy. That's part of the Tale you wade through to get to Joshua or something.

Imagine my surprise when I began to sense God correcting me as I plowed into Deuteronomy 1 and found HIM speaking to me about the how to climb out of the valley. We learn that Israel lost their way as they continued their journey. Moses tells them, "You grumbled in your tents, and said, 'The Lord hates us, so he brought out of Egypt to deliver us into the hands of the Ammorites to destroy us'..Then I said to you, 'Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The Lord your God who is going before you will fight for you." Israel had come to believe some lies about HIM. They saw as hateful, not willing to take care of his kids. So, they gave into fear and stopped trying to walk forward.

Finding my way out of the valley requires me to see God as loving. Finding my way out of the requires me to forsake fear. Finding my way out of the requires me to see that He is going to stay beside me. Finding my way out of the valley requires me to believe He still has good things in store for me. The uphill climb is an exercise in faith, not a test of will power. Fortunately, He is faithful and wise in supplying me with faithful guides. Nobody makes it out of the valley alone.

PS--I do skim some of the genealogies and stuff. I wonder what else I am missing.

Kingdom Perspectives in a Crazy World

I walk around in a swirl of thoughts, emotions, questions, and doubts. It gets a bit crowded, noisy and complicated in "Dan Land." In those moments, I lose focus, perspective and joy. I fail to discern the ways of the King.

But every so often things get really simple. Like when a friend who has been deeply wounded prays for the spiritual deliverance of her antagonist. Instead of a cry of vengeance a plea for blessing opens up heaven for a minute and I see things clearly for a second. The Kingdom moves forward in a moment like this, and I just get to watch.

Things get really simple when I tell KJ the story of an intern headed for Europe who is trying to raise support. But it's tough for this girl and her dad is very sick. Still, her dad really, really wants her to go. (This mirrors KJ's trip to Romania last year; a trip her mom really, really wanted her to make) A second later KJ hands me a check for this gal's trip. My daughter has honored her parents in a way I can't describe. The Kingdom moves forward in a moment like this, and I just get to watch.

I have seen some pretty cool events over the years. Thousands of students praising God at the Urbana conference, hundreds of people coming forward to receive Christ at a Billy Graham Crusade, even a few dozen people stopped to hear me talk about Jesus on Grafton Street. Good stuff for sure. But I suspect the Kingdom moves forward most often in quiet ways like through a person forgiving a deep wrong, or a sad young woman extending a blessing to a "sister" walking a similar path. Simple, unnoticed, selfless acts shoot pinpoints of light into the darkness of evil and sadness.

In those moments you hear the angels rejoice. The other sound? Cloven hoofbeats headed back to Hell. Where else can the enemy turn? It is spring and Aslan is on the move.

Already and Not Yet

I began the day with a young man whom I have watched grow into maturity. We talk about his future plans for life and ministry, and reflect on the way he so encouraged me during a tough stretch in last year's journey. In short, we reflect upon the goodness of God.

Later I ring London and talk to one of our team members there. We discuss recruiting prospects, prayer and the need to set up appointments to see people in heaven. In short, we reflect upon the goodness of God.

This evening I stop by the home of a sick friend. We discuss the challenges of the present, some hopes for the future, and the way HE sustained us during past trials. In short, we reflect upon the goodness of God.

Later I ring a friend who was too sick to work today. We still manage a few laughs, and stories before we pray and think about some challenges that lie ahead. In short, we reflect upon the goodness of God.

Each story mixes the "already and the not yet." God has been good to us. We know He will carry us home. But there is a stretch yet to be traveled. We share the realization that God has been good, even as we savor the anticipation that He has more to give us. So, we wait for the full measure of His goodness to be revealed in us, before us and through us.

Shelter from the Storm

Last week I experienced a violent storm in my soul. My heart was gripped by the turbulence of desperation. I had been trying to manage life, gain control. Suddenly, I felt out of control.

By the weekend, sanity was returning. Sunday I found myself with a friend, sharing some of the fruit of that struggle. In other words, I was repenting. A wonderful calm filled the time. Imagine my surprise when I later learned that, at the very time of that peaceful discussion, we were surrounded by storms. Three tornadoes had touched down close by us that afternoon. All I recall is an incredible calmness as spiritual sanity returned.

Years ago, Nancy executed a water color of Jesus walking on the water. She chose to show the area around him as totally calm. It captured something she had come to know: when we are in the presence of Jesus we find rest for our souls. Sunday afternoon I lived that truth once more: divine dependence brings us to a place of peace. HE alone gives us shelter from the storm.