Nancy has held up well through the latest round of chemo. Her temp crept up to 99.5 Thursday, the eve of a trip to North Carolina for a WHM summer intern retreat. We asked God to make it clear what I should do, and agreed that if her temp hit 100, I would stay home.
That night her fever broke, and I headed out to a rewarding and intense weekend with a group of folks younger than KJ. Speaking of Karen, she came home for the weekend, spreading her FIT projects all over the house as she heads down the home stretch of her final semester in college. The next treatment is April 8, so we can see the finish line for this season of chemo, and we strain to reach that point, trying to suspend speculation about what lies beyond.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Adjusting Priorities
Nancy is not doing any dancing after Round 3 of chemo, but she is riding this one out with no fever thus far. It has been a long season of limited activity for her, limited focus for me. A quiet season to be sure.
After breakfast this morning we read Philippians 3. It is a familiar passage for us, but we hadn't looked at it together since this journey began. I found myself reading slowly, savoring each sentence, every word. The chapter seemed alive with renewed meaning for us in the light of this illness.
I was reminded how often I have rejoiced in things I have done rather than placing supreme valuing in knowing HIM. (verse 7) As we we are made aware of our growing weakness we are thankful that HE has laid hold of our salvation.(verse 12) As we wonder about what the future holds, it is good to know that our citizenship is heaven. (verse 20)
Who knows where this journey is headed? We could have 20 or more years of active service ahead. But this phase of life is about adjusting priorities, learning to find our security resting in HIM as we await the prize.
After breakfast this morning we read Philippians 3. It is a familiar passage for us, but we hadn't looked at it together since this journey began. I found myself reading slowly, savoring each sentence, every word. The chapter seemed alive with renewed meaning for us in the light of this illness.
I was reminded how often I have rejoiced in things I have done rather than placing supreme valuing in knowing HIM. (verse 7) As we we are made aware of our growing weakness we are thankful that HE has laid hold of our salvation.(verse 12) As we wonder about what the future holds, it is good to know that our citizenship is heaven. (verse 20)
Who knows where this journey is headed? We could have 20 or more years of active service ahead. But this phase of life is about adjusting priorities, learning to find our security resting in HIM as we await the prize.
Monday, March 24, 2008
peaks & valleys
Easter is Nancy's spiritual birthday. So, it's always extra special for us. But yesterday was different. Quiet. No Easter Egg Hunts, or Special Dinners. For the first time in 33 years we were not in church together because Nancy hit a valley in her chemo and had to skip the service.
So, there were some sad and lonely moments in the day. But in my sane moments I remember that Easter is more than choir music, chocolate eggs and new spring outfits. It is about the One who left the Throne, risked the deepest valley and has ascended to the Highest Peak. Easter reminds us that our trip through the valley is not eternal for HE is risen. He is risen indeed!
So, there were some sad and lonely moments in the day. But in my sane moments I remember that Easter is more than choir music, chocolate eggs and new spring outfits. It is about the One who left the Throne, risked the deepest valley and has ascended to the Highest Peak. Easter reminds us that our trip through the valley is not eternal for HE is risen. He is risen indeed!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Waiting for Easter
Last night I participated in a Tenabre service at New Life
The service ended in darkness and silence, leaving us with the weight of His sacrifice on our behalf.
So, today we are waiting for Resurrection Day amidst snow flurries and cold weather
I long for spring weather, long walks and baseball games. It has felt like a long winter!!
KJ is home for the weekend. Only two months left in her undergraduate career.
Another chapter looms close at hand for her.
We spend so much time waiting in this life. But we ultimately long for a season of total restoration. Tomorrow as we celebrate Easter we are just sampling the joy still ahead.
Come quickly Lord Jesus!
The service ended in darkness and silence, leaving us with the weight of His sacrifice on our behalf.
So, today we are waiting for Resurrection Day amidst snow flurries and cold weather
I long for spring weather, long walks and baseball games. It has felt like a long winter!!
KJ is home for the weekend. Only two months left in her undergraduate career.
Another chapter looms close at hand for her.
We spend so much time waiting in this life. But we ultimately long for a season of total restoration. Tomorrow as we celebrate Easter we are just sampling the joy still ahead.
Come quickly Lord Jesus!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
The day before chemo and chemo
We had a great time visiting Leah, Chris and the grandchildren. Returned Sunday the 16th in 4.5 hours. Either there wasn't much traffic or we drove fast. Both.
On Monday I ran around getting groceries and making a couple of meals ahead for when I don't feel like cooking. At one grocery store the sales lady proceeded to sneeze into her hands and then picked up the few items I had and put them into my bag! Before I could speak,(or scream) the deed was done. When I got home I used clorox wipes on everything and prayed.
At another grocery store I ran into an acquaintance, just know the face but not the name. We started talking about all her extended family who have cancer. She told me of her cousin who weighed only 90lbs because nausea kept her from eating. They convinced the cousin to smoke pot for the nausea. The lady takes hold of my arm and leans in near my face and says, "let me know if you need any. I am sure I can find someone to get you some." I was so stunned I think I forgot to pray. Where is the doctor overseeing this patient?
I always see my oncologist before starting my chemo. Her first words to me were, "I didn't hear from you these last 3 weeks." That's because I had to page her twice and ended up in the hospital for 3 days after my first chemo treatment. We are getting the right combo of treatment. My friend Lynn L. just gave me my injection of Neulasta for bone marrow to produce white cells.
Since I am only having 4 chemo treatments I did not get a port or a pic line. The nurses had a heck of a time getting my IV started. My veins kept blowing. Chemo causes this. Because I had lymph nodes removed during surgery, I can only have blood drawn from my right arm. By the 5th time trying and by the 3rd nurse we got a vein. Fortunately I was in one of the recliners used to give IVs or I would have been on the floor. The staff is really great. I will "miss" them. so to speak.
On Monday I ran around getting groceries and making a couple of meals ahead for when I don't feel like cooking. At one grocery store the sales lady proceeded to sneeze into her hands and then picked up the few items I had and put them into my bag! Before I could speak,(or scream) the deed was done. When I got home I used clorox wipes on everything and prayed.
At another grocery store I ran into an acquaintance, just know the face but not the name. We started talking about all her extended family who have cancer. She told me of her cousin who weighed only 90lbs because nausea kept her from eating. They convinced the cousin to smoke pot for the nausea. The lady takes hold of my arm and leans in near my face and says, "let me know if you need any. I am sure I can find someone to get you some." I was so stunned I think I forgot to pray. Where is the doctor overseeing this patient?
I always see my oncologist before starting my chemo. Her first words to me were, "I didn't hear from you these last 3 weeks." That's because I had to page her twice and ended up in the hospital for 3 days after my first chemo treatment. We are getting the right combo of treatment. My friend Lynn L. just gave me my injection of Neulasta for bone marrow to produce white cells.
Since I am only having 4 chemo treatments I did not get a port or a pic line. The nurses had a heck of a time getting my IV started. My veins kept blowing. Chemo causes this. Because I had lymph nodes removed during surgery, I can only have blood drawn from my right arm. By the 5th time trying and by the 3rd nurse we got a vein. Fortunately I was in one of the recliners used to give IVs or I would have been on the floor. The staff is really great. I will "miss" them. so to speak.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
The Bell for Round 3
In two hours we will be back at the hospital for our third chemo injection. At this point, we have found a rhythm to this season. This week brings the "up" and restlessness that steroids trigger, a slow loss of energy, a bottoming out, and a gradual return to activity. By last night the pantry is stocked from one last big trip to the grocery store, our laundry is completely done, and we settle in for the siege. And I shift into the role of day to day house management again. That's what I mean by a rhythm to the season.
But wait, this is Easter Week. We look back at HIS work for us. And we look ahead to the time when the difficult rhythms of illness and treatment will be gone, replaced by the harmony of a people celebrating the permanent remission of sorrow and disease.
But wait, this is Easter Week. We look back at HIS work for us. And we look ahead to the time when the difficult rhythms of illness and treatment will be gone, replaced by the harmony of a people celebrating the permanent remission of sorrow and disease.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Fulton Family Foto
After a trip to Super Walmart, we were set to pose for a pic with Katharine.
So, here we are in "FultonWare" holding the latest in the family line...
Snazzy, huh??
Monday, March 10, 2008
Over half way
Officially I am over half way in completely chemo! My next will be March 18 . The last one will be on April 8. The week before the next chemo I start to feel pretty normal. What I have to watch out for is trying to cram everything I haven't felt up to doing in one week. Please pray I would be wise in my use of time and energy. This Thursday Dan and I are driving to Fulton, NY to see our new granddaughter. (and the rest of the Demars family). The trip takes a little over 5 hours straight north above Syracuse. Wer'e excited.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
The Latest News from Lake Ontario
If you want the press release about the birth of our latest grandchild, click and view:
http://oswegocountytoday.com/oswego-home/health-oswego/babies-oswego/2008/02/28/newborn-katharine-leah-demars/
http://oswegocountytoday.com/oswego-home/health-oswego/babies-oswego/2008/02/28/newborn-katharine-leah-demars/
Saturday, March 8, 2008
hindrances
Nancy is spending the weekend here at home with our Bichon Teddie and me. Just chilling.
Her fever never climbed above 99 and we have passed her most vulnerable time following Chemo Round 2. So, we pause and give thanks that we were spared another hospital visit.
The last week I have often pondered this phrase in Hebrews 12 that challenges us to "throw off everything that hinders." We are often tempted to view illness, separation from loved ones, and uncertainty as obstacles to a good life. If I could only be healthy, hanging out with the cool school and have a clear view into the future, life can be good, right?
Well, maybe not. The last 3 years have brought much suffering and loss our way. I complain about all this far too frequently. But in my sane moments I wonder if hardship is not a hindrance to a good and godly life but the delivery system to real joy. The storm winds force us to let go of the junk: stuff, false hopes and petty aspirations to hold tight to the Rock. This is a hard lesson, one I embrace in the comfortable moments of a prayer group, or even in the quiet moments of morning devotion, but forget in moment of the doctor's report, the Dow's tumbling or a friend's desperate fight to beat the Unwelcome Visitor. So, we need you to keep us sane. Each of your letters, every email, gift or prayer helps us "run the race...marked out for us," even when the hurtles are tall.
Her fever never climbed above 99 and we have passed her most vulnerable time following Chemo Round 2. So, we pause and give thanks that we were spared another hospital visit.
The last week I have often pondered this phrase in Hebrews 12 that challenges us to "throw off everything that hinders." We are often tempted to view illness, separation from loved ones, and uncertainty as obstacles to a good life. If I could only be healthy, hanging out with the cool school and have a clear view into the future, life can be good, right?
Well, maybe not. The last 3 years have brought much suffering and loss our way. I complain about all this far too frequently. But in my sane moments I wonder if hardship is not a hindrance to a good and godly life but the delivery system to real joy. The storm winds force us to let go of the junk: stuff, false hopes and petty aspirations to hold tight to the Rock. This is a hard lesson, one I embrace in the comfortable moments of a prayer group, or even in the quiet moments of morning devotion, but forget in moment of the doctor's report, the Dow's tumbling or a friend's desperate fight to beat the Unwelcome Visitor. So, we need you to keep us sane. Each of your letters, every email, gift or prayer helps us "run the race...marked out for us," even when the hurtles are tall.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
no fever, but more pics from Fulton
Tonight Nancy's temp is 98.6.
12 more fever free hours and we'll breath a sigh of relief.
As some of you know two years ago God brought Chris into Leah's life. This week Katharine came into their life as the fruit of their union.
We look forward to meeting Katharine face to face soon!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
holding our breath...praying for others
This evening Nancy's temp rose above 99. These next 48 hours are important. We have to stay below 101 to avoid the necessity of more serious countermeasures like a trip to Abington Hospital. This is unsettling, and we are weary.
But are hearts are more consumed with our concern for our friends the Clark's as Roger faces a more serious round of combat with the cancer he has fought for years. They have been among our closest allies through many of our struggles over the last fifteen years. We have laughed and wept and prayed together many times. So, tonight we prayed for our friend with whom we have often shared in the fellowship of suffering.
But are hearts are more consumed with our concern for our friends the Clark's as Roger faces a more serious round of combat with the cancer he has fought for years. They have been among our closest allies through many of our struggles over the last fifteen years. We have laughed and wept and prayed together many times. So, tonight we prayed for our friend with whom we have often shared in the fellowship of suffering.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Finding the Right Formula
To this close observer, chemo seems weird and unpredictable. It is like a big chemistry experiment, with Nancy as the test tube.
The first round of chemo brought some pretty bad side effects: nausea, vomiting, fever and the trip to the hospital. But as this round started the formula was altered. The most troubling effects appear to have been subdued. We are glad that Nancy has been able to eat solid food each day, that her temperature is normal. But a new kind of "yuck" has surfaced: aches, trouble sleepiness, and (I suspect) some depression. So, church was out this morning. She will skip the service tonight at which new elders and pastors will be ordained and installed at New Life.
Still, Nancy has considered these annoyances a fair exchange. We are now asking HIM to keep up her white blood cell count as we head into this crucial week. And we are gladdened by the flow of pictures from Fulton, documenting the arrival of our latest amazing grandchild, the ongoing acts of concern from friends, and the Spirit who reminds us to "put down our cards, and look to HIM."
------Kudos to Marc Davis for that phrase-----Who else could have described the Holy Spirit as an amazing poker player in the game of life??
The first round of chemo brought some pretty bad side effects: nausea, vomiting, fever and the trip to the hospital. But as this round started the formula was altered. The most troubling effects appear to have been subdued. We are glad that Nancy has been able to eat solid food each day, that her temperature is normal. But a new kind of "yuck" has surfaced: aches, trouble sleepiness, and (I suspect) some depression. So, church was out this morning. She will skip the service tonight at which new elders and pastors will be ordained and installed at New Life.
Still, Nancy has considered these annoyances a fair exchange. We are now asking HIM to keep up her white blood cell count as we head into this crucial week. And we are gladdened by the flow of pictures from Fulton, documenting the arrival of our latest amazing grandchild, the ongoing acts of concern from friends, and the Spirit who reminds us to "put down our cards, and look to HIM."
------Kudos to Marc Davis for that phrase-----Who else could have described the Holy Spirit as an amazing poker player in the game of life??
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