Nancy spent much of the last 34 years looking out for me. Only this past year did our roles begin to reverse. Still each piece of bad news, from initial diagnosis to decision to stop chemo, prompted an “I’m sorry this is going to be hard for you.” No amount of assurance from me completely calmed her fears.
A couple of my recent meltdowns prompted me to wonder if I was letting her down. Perhaps I was causing her to worry. This troubled me.
I haven’t dusted off any systematic theology. But I did start thinking about how Hebrews 12 reminds us of the great cloud of witnesses that have gone before us. That helped.
Nancy has a seat in that stadium of heavenly spectators now. A luxury box, I suspect. And I began to picture her not downcast, but confident. It is as if I could hear her, say: “Come on, Rocky. You can make it. Sure you are stumbling, and you can’t manage to take care of yourself yet, but you can make it. I made it, and it’s worth it!”
I am sure she and many others who have finished the race are looking back cheering us across the tape. That image helps me face the day’s walk through the valley, even when I feel dry and empty, even when I stumble.
Ask HIM to remind me that the race is worth running even when the journey overwhelms me for a time.
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3 comments:
Dan,
Paige Thompson, here. My husband, Kevin, has never met you, but he says we're cheering you on from this side of the tape. And thank you for your honesty.
Praying for you,
Kevin and Paige
Have you ever been so caught up in the beauty of a moment that your smile turns into tears of sheer joy? Uncontrollable emotion but it just can't be categorized as sad? Sort of like the athletes whose energy has been so focused and now spent; they get the gold but loose it when they think of their mom.
When I think of Jesus & the cloud of witnesses, I wonder if they are cheering, crying, laughing, singing, hugging each other, and just bubbling over with joy. Just the sight of us in the distance coming towards them fills them with such excitement. I want to run now towards that heavenly stadium with my heart focused on the race. I know there is suffering and opportunity to grieve losses, repent of sin, embrace his mercy still now; but at times I hear the sound of those in the stadium cheering and the sound is sweet to my ears. I can only imagine...
Thanks for reminding me. Penny
It's a great image, Dan -- thanks.
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