This morning my doctor told me that my PSA score had not fallen enough to avoid another biopsy. "I am 90% sure that you are okay. But with this score, I have to do this. Sorry."
On the one hand, this means that we are going to proceed on an aggressive diagnostic path. On the other hand, I can't put the word "routine" in front of the word "biopsy" these days.
The test is set for Wednesday, February 18. Results should follow in a week or so.
I have been having some serious arguments with the Lord over this. After all, we have been through so much, learned so much and even begun to dream again about what a new chapter could look like. Now this.
Of course, this triggers a voice that reminds me that I want to write this book about seeing that God can sustain you when the thing you fear the most takes place. Then, a test score remains high and my worry meter goes off the chart. Okay, so I haven't perfectly learned those things. I am still learning the same lesson yet again: The only way to get through life is to trust HIM, not for the circumstances, but for the grace to take the next step. Lord, teach me yet again.
One more thing: This morning a friend challenged me not to try to be "strong" right now. Good advice. Let me admit it : Tonight I am weak, afraid, and uncomfortable. I need your prayers to keep me resting on HIM alone. Can you come along for the ride?
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7 comments:
Oh Dan -- not what any of us wanted to hear either. Yes, we definitely want to come along and are asking all your friends here to pray as well.
You will continue to receive an outpouring of prayers and suppport from people who have witnessed the pain of your journey and deeply care about you. We have also witnessed your faith,courage and focus on HIM which will be the ultimate solution in your time of need. Let those around you know how we can best support you. Please count me in.
Will be praying for you.
i'm along for the ride,dan!
Thanks for your honesty, Dan. The gift of God's sustaining grace is a gift after all.
C.S. Lewis wrote:
God gives what he has
not what he has not:
He gives the happiness there is
not the happiness that is not.
-To be God
-To be like God and share in the creaturely response;
To be miserable;
These are the only alternatives.
If we will not learn to eat the
only food that the universe grows-
the only food that any universe ever can grow-
then we must starve eternally.
I continue to pray for you...
M.
Joining the prayer meeting, too...
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