I expected to be outnumbered at this group because women more often survive their spouses. But I hadn't expected to be the only guy in the room. So, going to these groups may turn out to be a weird and wonderful aspect of the current journey. Anyway, being the only guy in a room full of grieving widows meant I needed to dial it back a bit. Then, as I listened to the introductions, I quickly learned that everyone else was further along this path. So, this was an opportunity to learn about some of the pitfalls that lay ahead.
I heard a lot about the pain of being forgotten, left alone. People not calling. Family not staying. One of the ladies wondered if people thought that we were contagious.
"What was worse," I asked, "People saying awkward things, or just avoiding you? "Avoiding us,"came the reply. Yep, that sounds right to me.
Since then, I have noted some of the folks who reached across the strange gulf created by Nancy's departure.
- The delightful couple who drove up to our house in their new Accord on Friday to take KJ and me out for Thai food and entertain us with stories of living in Africa, Florida, Nebraska and India.
- The four men who showed up Saturday morning to dismantle, move and reassemble KJ's commercial sewing machine in our attic so that she can have a true studio.
- The cadre of family and friends who assembled on Hewitt Road last night to share good food, stories of visits to Oxford, Westminster Abbey and CS Lewis's private home, and compare notes of military history and board gaming.
- A dear friend who sat and quietly talked about writing, about the remarkable journey we have had, and where the path will take us tomorrow.
So, I have been glad that people keep coming my way. Sometimes uncertainly, or at awkward times, but it is still good that folks come. Besides, my cell phone has caller ID and I am comfortable letting it ring when I want silence. In such unrelenting pursuit of one another we reflect the unrelenting love of the One who never leaves alone.
3 comments:
Dan,
So glad you've found a good group to help you process all that's happened. As one goes through the grieving process, sharing (and understanding) the unique nuances of an experience are what make support groups so beneficial.
Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts and insights along this next leg of the journey.
Blessings,
Kimberly Smith
Hi Dan. I am praying that God would bring people into your life who "get it" as far as what you are going through. I have found that even some fairly close friends and extended family members have had a difficult time knowing what to say and do (or not say and do) as I have navigated this long and often lonely path of grief, and often those folks do just sort of disappear. Some that have tried to rally around have said and done things that made me wish they had chosen to vanish instead, I must admit. Yet God has so faithfully brought people along side of me who have "gotten" it and have clearly been sent by and used by God to minister to me in this journey - some are people I was not even that terribly close to before, but they have somehow been gifted with an unusual (and I think supernatural) ability to say and do things that are comforting and supportive. So I pray and trust that God will do the same for you and your family - that in His abundant ability He will equip those He has directed to be of support to you all according to your individual needs. You and your family are daily in my prayers. God bless - Cindy
Dan, I am praying for you and your family. I am impressed with your honesty and willingness to share with others through the tough, and what I have found surprising and confusing, process of grief. I am glad to read what you write. The Lord is near.
April Mininger
Post a Comment