Some of you know about my rafting adventure in Uganda a few years ago. There was that half minute or so where I really did think I was going to drown. I remember desperately waiting for my head to clear the water so that I could breath freely again.
Today feels like that. I don't feel like I am drowning, but it is a bit hard to function easily , and I would love to find my head above water soon. Still trying to plow through the backlog of administrative details. Today was about submitting forms for our Flexible Spending Account, appealing an oddly disputed claim for one of Nancy's last medical tests, going through back mail and bills. My stiffening neck is letting me know it is time to come up for air on this stuff.
We also began to reset things in the house for the next leg of the journey. Josh and Karen worked to create a studio in the attic for her to use. We rearranged furniture in the living room. Baby steps, more will come in due time.
Cindy's words recently brought us much comfort. We know that Nancy has entered into her rest. But it was good to be reminded that part of her joy was the love she felt from us during her last days on earth. So many of you contributed to loving her during the hardest days. Almost every card or gift brought the exclamation "how sweet" from her. It is good to think that she still basks in the glow of that love, even as she stands in the light of HIS presence.
Meanwhile, ask HIM to help us "keep our heads up."
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Hi Dan and family - sometimes I feel so inadequate to offer any words of comfort, yet I feel like having walked the road you are on when Jess went to Heaven in February gives me a unique opportunity to at least try to convey some words that might bring comfort and hope.
I am only a tiny bit further down the road than you guys are, and I clearly remember those days when I felt like it was all I could do, even with God's help, to keep my head above water. It is so awful and wrong that in the midst of your grief you are still expected to have the strength to deal with insurance bills and business details, and I remember those days vividly as well.
I am praying hourly for all of you to feel God helping you hold your head above the torrential river of emotions you are swimming through. The baby steps you are taking now will eventually add up to moving to a place that feels safer and less jolting and precarious emotionally. I well remember a sermon preached by one of my favorite pastors (Randy Pope) regarding grief many years ago, and I will never forget him saying that our society's belief that "time heals" is so off the mark, when in truth, it is GOD who heals. I have found from my own experience that God has not healed me overnight, but that He is using the passing of time as one of the ways He is healing me. My sorrow is still great and intense and some days I still feel it will overwhelm me, but His provision each day has made getting through each day, each hour, or sometimes even just each minute a bearable process; to also see this evidenced in your blogs is such an encouragement to me.
You guys did such an awesome job loving Nancy until the moment she stepped from your love into a greater love than we will know till we join her there, and that is something you can carry with you in the days ahead to comfort you.
I have also found great comfort in a message John Piper gave at a memorial service. He quoted the verse from James 1:2 -3: "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." He went on to say that losing a loved one "is an agonizing test. If it were not agonizing, it would not be a test. But now that it has laid you low, it is a test. And what is being tested is your faith in the goodness and power and love of God - and His call on your life." He went on to say that when the trying of your faith has produced steadfastness, and you go Home, your loved one will say along with her Master, "well done." So I know that Nancy will be waiting for you in Heaven, grateful for all you gave to her while she was with you on this Earth, and proud of the steadfastness you are displaying and will continue to display in the days ahead.
Sorry this got so long - I just felt compelled to write the thoughts that were on my mind today as I prayed for all of you. God bless - Cindy
Praying for you and your kids along the journey...so glad to have "met" Nancy through they sharing of your journey on this blog.
Brother I am praying that as you lift your face out of the water, that you will feel Your Fathers hands on you face, and He presses His lips against yours and breaths a deep breath into you that will sustain you and give you joy. I love you.
Ger.
Spirit preserve my brothers and sisters. Send your protection and give them Aarons to hold up their arms. Father, thank You that You are faithful, even when we are faithless to believe. When life is too much for us to handle, You are our Stronghold and Our High Tower.
Please give them grace and allow them to rest in You today. Provide favor in the eyes of those who receive them in the details of life, be once again their Waymaker. We pray to You on their behalf and for our hearts as well, be glorified in this taking. Let the healing come.
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