It's sometimes hard to know how to explain this journey. On the one hand, Nancy is breathing more easily, and uses very little pain medication, her blood pressure is back at a good level, and the additional fluids have helped keep her system running. On the other hand, she remains pretty weak, we had one day of nausea and her evening fever has popped up once or twice lately.
Tomorrow we are set for another round of chemo. This would be round 5 of 6 in this current regimen. But we will have to see what the blood readings tell us and whether Nancy and Dr. Nordlinger think we should proceed or wait a week or so. Nancy's desire is to press on and finish this round on August 4. Pray that we can proceed as planned!
We both long for stability. Each day brings uncertainty. Every part of the "natural Dan" is deeply disquieted by this maze. And so tonight I go to our new friend Aphonse Monod to remind me that we already have what we need. Through this morning's reading he reminded us that in Christ all things are mine
"Am I poor? All of the fortunes of this world are mine because they belong to Christ, who belongs to God...If in place of riches he gives me poverty, it is because it is better for me, and a result of God's choice. The entire world and all its glory and power belongs to me because they belong to my Father, who will give them to me tomorrow, and who could give them to me today if that were good , because he dispenses them according to his pleasure.
Am I sick? Health is mine, strength is mine, well-being is mine, a prefect enjoyment of all the good things of life is mine, because all that is Christ's, who is God's and who dispenses them according to his pleasure...If he then refuses them to me today, for a fleeting moment that passes like a ship in the midst, he has his reasons. It is because there are in these pains and this bitterness hidden blessings that are worth more to me than that health that is so precious and that well-being which is so sweet."
So, as we prepare for tomorrow's next step, we need grace to receive from the hand of Our Father that which he deems best.
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2 comments:
HI Dan and Nancy. My prayers will be with you today as you work with Nancy's doctor to determine the timing of the chemo. I will certainly pray that Nancy will be able to have this round done and be one step closer to a break from the chemo.
I know that the uncertainty of the future is "deeply disquieting" - what an appropriate description of living in a bewildering situation that only unfolds a day at a time. To trust a loving Father when faced with such upheaval is what we know we ought to do, yet it can be so emotionally exhausting when actually "walking it out" in more than theory. My prayers are with you as you purpose to trust the Lord's goodness in the face of adversity. God bless - Cindy
Like Cindy, we have been praying that Nancy can press onward and be that much closer to being done, and also praying that you can accept whatever He gives, because it's from Him. Thanks for the Monod quote.
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