Nancy left me three months ago today. A season has passed without her. Here are a few contradictions, and conclusions as I review the season just past.
I am even gladder that we helped her to end her journey well, but sadder she is not walking beside me still.
Perhaps I most miss being with her without having to be “on” for her. Can I ever find other places “not to be on?”
I miss having a companion in silence. Where and how do you replace that companion and friend?
I am still learning things about her. Why does that surprise me? Perspective brings insight, I suppose.
I often hate being alone, I frequently come apart in groups.
I want to be with friends who can help me remember and mourn, I sometimes want to be with people who never knew me as one half of "Dan and Nancy."
People say that they want to help, I don’t know how to tell them to help
I have noticed that being invited over meals feels good, having someone come over---bringing a meal along---feels even better.
The sound of a loving voice is far more encouraging than the sight of an email or Facebook message.
I am becoming more productive, but I have more days when I just want to stay in bed.
I don’t want to get stuck in the middle of grief; the end of the road through this valley is not yet in sight.
I know God didn’t take Nancy home “so that” I would grow closer to Him, but I must grow closer to Him to heal the wound of her passing.
I want time to pass so that it will bring healing, I want time to end and cease the need for healing.