I kept hearing that it is imporant to "move past denial" as I travel the valley of grief. For quite some time, that advice made no sense to me. I already knew that Nancy had gone Home. Had I not watched her draw her last breath? Had I not stood by her casket the night of the viewing and greeted friends who came to share our loss? So, what was moving past denial supposed to mean anyway?
Maybe this week I started to get it. I am moving past denial when I stop stuffing the church bulletin in my pocket Sunday morning because she won't want to read it later. I am moving past denial when I get in my car after work and start sobbing each night because she won't be there to greet me when I get home. Moving past denial requires me to sit in the lobby and screw up my courage before joining the office Christmas party alone.
Moving past denial has taken me into a dark part of this valley. But, it is a a place I must visit to get to the other side. This is a place that only His presence can illuminate. I think I can glimpse His Light leading me on.
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3 comments:
What little I know about grief, I do know that everyone handles it in their own ways, and that there is no one-size-fits-all approach that is better than another.
In my limited experience, I found I had to take the time I needed in each stage, and not try to be where other people expected me to be. ("Oh, you're still sad about that?")
I also could not expect others in my family would experience everything I did, or react in the ways that made the most sense to me. Though grief is universal, it is intensely personal, and no one can do it for us. We have to do it in our own ways, at our own pace, and trust God to bring the healing in His own good time.
If it doesn't seem out of place, I commend to you what Eeyore said when he was prodded along by Rabbit: "Don't Jostle me. Don't 'Now Then' me."
The loss you and your family have sustained is like no other that can be experienced. It touches everything. There is no earthly reason I can think of why grieving the absence of your best friend should be rushed through, minimized or denied.
Thanks for writing. May God give you courage for each instance you face.
Dan,
Thank you for your honesty with your thoughts.
My family continues to pray for yours.
Praying for plenty of light to light your way, Dan. Sending prayers.
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